Two o'clock. Interview starts. 

In walks in the Executive Creative Director.

How are you? Ya dah. Ya dah. Ya dah.

He'll remind the Vice President. Dit. Dit on his smart phone.

The VP arrives. Oooh a Nippon-san.

ECD continues.

I show the work.

A particular campaign elicits, "oh, good work."

He asks, "how would you treat a Junior Art Director?"

I answered honestly and strategically. I'll sit on him/her until he/she 
produces blood out of stone. Umm, kidding. But, like I said, 
strategically.

Then the VP pipes up, "can I see the writing and designing you have done for the car magazine?"

Uh oh, it's currently at home, 28 km away.

Oh, alright I'll just nip back home to get it for your reading pleasure.

And that was that. No salaries were discussed. No usual "when can you start?"

Anyway, when I handed the VP my precious portfolio of car articles, he asked if he could borrow it until next year? Since today is the 28th of December, next year is just a few days away, so why not?

And I do want the job, right?

BTW,might as well publish some of my body of works before I leave this world.

THERE must be a lot of portfolio networks around. B-b-binged  to find 101,000,000 results.

Well I’ve signed up to BeHance NETWORK. It’s free, so…

Here is where you can find me:

www.behance.net/koodiamond

Any more.

What to do now?

To be continued. . . (later, today is 1152 Tuesday 20 December 2011)

1. A couple of 1:72 scale model German armour (ooh love that Sturm Tiger), each @ 69.90, the spending spree is not over yet. Hallo 30% off u know!

2. Knock back up to original form n re-spray Potong Waja a tantalising Porsche grey-silver. Yummy. Only got it back 8 days later (not counting Sat & Sun). Today, it’s parked in the driveway. RM2,000. ketuk (knocking): rm600 n laying on that sexy metallic Porsche grey: RM2,000.00.

2.1 Here’s an update: the left front wing is knackered. Yesterday, a sunday, I was rushing to werk.

On hindsight should not have. As I was heading towards a corner ramp I realised i was going too fast. So I tapped the brakes. And my lovely Waja did a twist on me. She drifted from left to right and back again. There was a nasty familiar crunch sound and there went my left front fender. Ugh. I managed to hit the back of a van. It was a dirty green colour. So sorry mister driver of the dirty van.But, heh he, what good reason to sell her now.

But, there always is a ‘but’, she’s only worth 14k or 14.5 at the most. so? Keep la.

Now, all we have to do is sell it n replace it with an iconic car like the Beetle? a bright lemony yellow one please. Yummy.

Like this:

3. Puma watch. $310. Lucky thing the sales rep saw that i need not waste the $40.00 on a new battery for the Swiss Army watch cos it sudah rosak. Have to bring it in for inspection n repair together with my Swatch n Seiko watches.

4. One Guines Pig. $68.00. Foodies, at least $60.00 + vitamin C, luckily no need also can..

5. Toshiba LED TV. $3,200. At least the audio was provided by amber (she won it in a lucky draw!)

6. dyed hair. $60.00. Normally I’ll stay far away.

7. Some 5 Gar fish n 4 fighting fish. and feed fish for the passive fisherman.

8. Dinky Olympus camera. $580. Ah Man Dah has hijacked my canon camera already.

I have no clue he admitted it. (yeah, right)

9. Toshiba 42″ LED TV. $1,800 or thereabouts.

10. Koi pond + cement the driveway + roof awning – not yet quoted, guesstimate: around $15,000?

11. Samsung Galaxy S handphone for dotter. $1,350. Hopefully can get back half as promised by her maaaather.

12. hp notebook PC pavilion g4-1046TU. $1,800. Plus external drive. 1 terror byte.

13. and many. many more to cum. . .

Yeah, yeah, the royal, icy, not-speaking-to-you-unless-you-say-sorry-or-drop-dead-or-vapourise treatment.

But, as always, she has got it all wrong.

Let’s start with how. . . hmmm, maybe not, let’s start at the very beginning. Yeah, let’s.

My bosses. They are to be blamed. They have whined about my tardiness, arriving after 10 am every morning. Well, it finally was the last straw for little Fook Fighter. He was the farking boss and nobody must in later than His Majesty. So one Fryday or was it Thursday?

Never mind, I came in 11:45. I had worked till past 10 pm the previous night so I thought I could sneak in just a tad late.

Wrong.

It was almost, “Off with his head…”

The junior Fook screamed like a little girl hurling abuse after abuse at me while Senior Fook looked on trying to calm him down. I was devastated of course. Or pretended to be, apologising profusely.

My solution was to get myself a motor bicycle. That should solve the auto grid-lock problem. You see, where I stay, it’s near impossible to make 9 am at the office.

It’s either too early or late or very late.

If I wish to make it to 9 am, I have to leave my home by 7:30. which means I have to be up an hour earlier.

That’s bloody six farking thirty o clock you mean, calculating jerk. I’m not an early person, so this kind of throws in a gigantic spanner into the normal operation of my body and mind.

Senior Fook kept on offering peace gestures like, “..just get in by 10 lah diamond…”.

But that ain’t good enough for the little Fook douche bag.

He even got creative, “…no excuses diamond! What if we give you the excuse that we can’t pay your salary because Mr. Fook is in China and unable to sign your check…”

Like that ah? Stuff it then.

On second thoughts. Oh alright, I do need that wonder fool job that you have offered me. Associate Creative Director and in brackets “copywriter”.

Oh, fuck me, can’t even get the position right. What’s an “Associate Creative Director and in brackets “copywriter” anyway?

A copywriter is a copywriter and an Associate Creative Director is, guess what, is an Associate Creative Director. Whether he/she is copy-based or art-based need not be explained lah dude. You understand what I’m saying? What a bunch of ignorant ass holes.

Anyway, back to the story. Let’s settle. I get in early, and I get…yeah, nothing. Maybe a couple of brownie points to buy brown shit.

Sweet.

So. Because of that my ingenious solution is to get a bicycle with motor to solve it.

Big problem. Beeeeg.

Wifee hates it. She will now have to worry whether I’ll be coming home in one piece. Every night. At night, as you know, most people need to sleep.

Well I don’t. I have got this handy disease called OCD. GFGI if you want to know what sort of magical disease this is. Clue: a famous billionaire had it. It was made into a movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

Okay no need to farking google it, here it is:

2 would-be KLX 250 pillion riders

The Aviator (2004)
170 min – Biography | Drama – 30 December 2004 (Malaysia)
7.6/10

A biopic depicting the early years of legendary director and aviator Howard Hughes’ career, from the late 1920s to the mid-1940s. The film won 5 Oscars.

Director: Martin Scorsese
Writer: John Logan
Stars: Leonardo DiCaprio, Cate Blanchett and Kate Beckinsale

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338751/

Anyway. The reason the old battle axe is giving me the royal treatment is because I flipped and flopped. I sort of agreed not to buy a bicycle with motor. Then I decided, “yeah, why not? should go some ways to solve my mid-life crisis.”

I have a mid-life crisis?

Hey who hasn’t?

It’s a good reason to rest anyway. My good doctor has decided that two days of rest should put me on the steady road of recovery. No work, no stress.

Hey Doc, what about the stress at home?

Hmmm. Take a look at my new bicycle (with attached motor) and see if you think it’s worth all the trouble of suffering in silence?

Hallo, helmet pun sudah beli (Malay for: I’ve already fucking bought the helmet). So, let’s ride. Life’s a beach. Then you hit a bitch at 10 kph. And you die.

God bless you and your own.

And I pray the treatment will continue indefinitely, God it’s been so peaceful lately. And the number one dotter is harassing her to buy a Japanese Chin (only 1,000 ringgit, it’s a bargain).

So. Like that loh.

Catch you later sooting, pathetic story huh?

Which means?

Hallo, where have you been? In Malaysia, this a magical golden age. It is the age when you can empty all your savings from your old age fund. Generally speaking then, you can give yourself permission to have a giggly good time.

Spend it all or hoard some more? Now that is a major crisis.

What if you are still alive after all the loot is gone? What if you kick the bucket before you even decide whether you prefer your lambo in Kermit green, Bugs Bunny’s carrot orange or heaven forbid, battleship grey. Err, why heaven forbid lah? That’s THE regeur colour la dei.

Yes, we need to train a Copywriter.

Fortunately, being the future-wise person that I am, I bring you a very viable solution.

I’m un-shamelessly suggesting training my own daughter.

You can be assured she’ll be suitably qualified. In fact, over-qualified! You can judge her from her Asian award-winning blog here:

http://carelesslittlehamster.com/

Good huh?

BUT I’m greedy – her passion is actually photography! She saved 4,000+ bucks for a whole year to buy her own Canon SLR (that’s good attitude about money sense for you – unlike me who’s a spoilt child).

For reference, she has assisted her mum (my first wife) to take food shots. And good enough to be paid, mind you. Although only RM100 per session. Total exploitation!

My ex-wife is a food reviewer. You may have heard of her. She has worked for NST for donkey years – her name is Tan Bee Hong.

So, I’m proposing that we grab Khoo Su Ting to be our intern-trainee-slave (in order of priorities):

1. Trainee Copywriter
2. Part-time Photographer
3. Full-time Researcher
4. Slave One-Leg-Kick (she does not have a driver’s licence yet, but once she has – can exploit kau kau)

Now, for the working hours and remuneration. She is only 18 (born 1993), so she’s still at College (iACT, Diploma of Mass Comm). Yeah, 8As at SPM.

She only attends College on Thursdays and Fridays. What a life.

So, maybe we can have her work for us on the College-free days and of course, take work home and e-mail us from her home. Neat, huh?

Remuneration?

On project basis? Retainer? I have no idea. But for sure we can exploit her (some Dad I am huh?). But training whaaaaaat – she ought to pay us!

Yeah and she can do PhotoShop too! And blog!

i'm so hot

Boy oh boy, I’m already salivating.

Some more hor, no need to advertise – Ms Ju will be so pleased! Save RM300 right there already!

HOWEVER, the bad news is, I have not informed her about my bright idea yet. LOL.

Anyway, roll this idea pass your Dad (who will not exploit you like me) and see what he thinks. Then I persuade my stupid dotter.

Hey, don’t even know whether she’ll like to be exploited. Or that I’m such an idiot for having this most excellent, totally-best-in-the-world, matchless, impeccable idea at 02:23 on a Fry Day.

So liddat loh. Over to you and your Dad then.

“The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow: Do good anyway.”

Mother Theresa

*(brackets are mine)*

Here is what she wrote: 

I disagree with this essay’s title.

There are many situations to hate each other. For example, some people are just too arrogant and obnoxious. They are bad to me, so why can’t I hate them?

But what is ‘hate’?

Hate is great dislike linked to anger towards an object or human being. It can also be considered as a disease and can cause wars, suicide, depression, sex addiction and anxiety disorders.

And what is ‘wrong’?

Wrongness usually refers to incorrectness. Being wrong means a situation which a person has made a misjudgement. But wrong can also be right! Depends on the person…

Adolf Hitler (Mr. Wrong himself) is a good example of practicing ‘wrongness’ and ‘hatred’. His racial policies caused the holocaust because he believed in racial purity. Between 1939 and 1945, the Schutzstaffel, or his ‘Protection Squadron’ killed more than 14 million people, including 6 million Jews. Because of his love for his German people, he thought he was doing the right thing. So, to him, hating people was not wrong at all. And he had the support of millions of his German people as well. So was he right?

That is why I think the statement “hating people is always wrong” is very funny in a cruel way.

Look at Hitler, I am sure, as a Christian, he also thought “hating people is always wrong” but did he hate the Jews? Maybe…he just wanted to do the right thing…save his beloved German people, his master race.

Could it be hate or love? He had to kill 14 million people.

Even if every one thinks that hating is wrong, it still depends on how that person thinks. Hitler may have thought that hating was wrong, but he was sure he was still doing the right thing!

We should seriously think about what is really wrong. Would not there be eternal peace in the world if every one does not hate? But in the real world, nobody thinks like this…and there will always be wars. We have horrible battles all over the world because of people hatred and other hate reasons.

Religion is another example. One group of people will think that their religion is the best, and another group of another religion will think theirs is better. With their differences, it will cause quarrels.

All religions teach people to love and not hate. But do they do that? Do they love or hate? They only can say it, but they can’t do it. Unfortunately, that is the reality of the world. Therefore, there will never be such a thing as peace in this world.

If I agree hating people is always wrong, then I will be a big hypocrite. I would love to believe it but the reality is one person’s wrong is another person’s right!

It will really be a miracle, if everybody can agree on the same thing. Then, there will be no wars and we will enjoy everlasting peace.

(God bless us all)

hey hey what's cooking little fella?

So here he is at 6.00kg. Isn’t he just delicious?

Jesus Teaches about Retaliation

“I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if some one wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If some one forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.”

but…not that easy lah. . .so here goes:

dear mister D,

On Monday 01 November 2010, at knocking-off time you casually spewed some vomit onto me. so, as usual I’ll have to take issue with your foul stench. Your blending of a couple of bland words.

With all due respects, here goes. Number one: you remarked that my caption copy for the heritage calendar was, I quote, “I find your copy a bit bland…”

My reply, through good upbringing, but mostly because you are my freaking boss, was a cold silence.

Hallo dickhead, you had a lot of opportunities to comment or criticise or whatever on the caption copy. Like about weeks and weeks. I suspect you have not even read them!

Let me put it to you: there’s even a “naked” word inside there! How bland can that be? Duh. May I assist you to search where that word is. it’s in the “keris-making” page. And the Client didn’t even complain or comment one tiny bit. Which means? They are okay with it. They’ve approved it. It’s good to go. Any other way I can put it to you?

Secondly, you whined that I, “…write to a deadline…”

Hallo…we are running a business here. Time is money. And this Client is used to getting stuff overnight? Did you put your brain in the oven? did you forget to bring it to da opis? Or is it still in your orifice? Well, pull it out and use it my dear mamak.

Third comment. “I don’t have any passion like I had before.”

Sigh.

When your standard operating procedure is, “Shut up, can’t you see I’m talking?” how in the fucking world is any body gonna get excited about any thing. Let alone show any passion or fire? Or even to contribute any idea.

So dickhead, fuck you. i’ll just put out my hand and wait for the salary at the end of every month.

And my silence, I pray, is not too deafening?

Finally for comic relief and to cuci mata, I present you a L’Oreal girl. Yum.

L'Oreal Babe

Anyway, all i had to do is pay a visit to Dr. Mak who’s in my AIA panel of docs. He prescribed RANBAXY’s DIFNAL OD Diclofenac Sodium 100mg tablets to be taken once a day.

Took one, yes one, and it has healed completely. Magical! BUT the good doctor says to take one every day for 10 freaking days. So must follow law loh.

Even tho i inherited it from too much mousing around

Next, have a swinging time:

dotter ah ting having a swinging time

Read more: http://www.righthealth.com/topic/What_Is_Tennis_Elbow/overview/adam20?fdid=Adamv2_000449&section=Full_Article#ixzz13tv16iso