As Paula (not Paula Abdul that celebrity, this one is an upcoming one) WhatsApped me: Switching off my fon. Available in messenger. Rest well and God bless … that God spoke to me:
“Diamond, Diamond,” the almighty lamented, why don’t you get off your fucking fat arse and help a fellow Christian?
Well, not exactly those exact words but you get my (sick) drift right?
Here’s the other P. Abdul doing what she does best:
(Let’s get this out of the way, I’m a cold-hearted merciless, calculating, strategising mother-fucking bad ass. So, if you just that itty bitty offended by my opinionated tone, please step back. I mean just fucking stop reading. We fine with that? Can continue?)
This is what I gently instructed P. Khoo to execute:
1. Let’s play-act.
2. Now, diamond koo (that’s me by the way) is your PA cum manager cum publicist cum pres sec.
3. You, your serene Highness izzz now a OP Celebrity.
4. I will feed you ideas/instructions/directions/ on what to write. INcluding how many words.
5. I call your attention to theSun‘s “Speak Up” article by Bhavani. It’s Tuesday, Sept 18, 2018, page 9.
6. Your serene Highness, THAT is now our fucking objective, to put it a tad crudely. Please excuse my French. We cunt be too shy about it.
7. Why is it our prime goal? Because: IT IS CURRENT (the LGBT, caning, child marriage). And it is an OPINION PIECE YO!!!
8. [at 2:57am, 9/19/2018] ah pek koo: 8. It should be from your heart. Do make it personal. ADD IT YOUR OWN PERSONAL STORIES. You see where i’m going with this? You, Paula, have just engaged with a motherfucking first-class OP coach for free. Free. Because I truly believe our good Lord has just gave me just a tiny nudge. You realise it’s now fucking 3am? Now, why do you think I was inspired to do this? Yes, Jesus Christ be praised.
9. [at 2:59am, 9/19/2018] ah pek koo: 9. Let’s do this. For God. Maybe along the way, we can even save a few souls? Like my depressing, depressed, sad, pitifool, pathetic 41-yo co-worker Jesper Chung?
10 [at an unGodly hour of 3:05am, May 19, 2018] ah pek koo:
Deal? Game on? Kol? (that’s Korean for “deal”).
Hey you should indulge in some romantic-comedy soap opera watching too Paula. A lot of life lessons can be gleaned from that addiction.
You can trust me on this your most serene Highness. You can trust me on the sunscreen (that’s a quote from a famous song but I for gets liao.)
Here’s a link to start you off on your esteemed journey:
10. [at 3:06am, 9/19/2018] ah pek koo is now besieging your Highness to rock n roll.
I also pleaded with her: my dear, dear fellow Christian. onward with the good fight for a better new Malaysia!
Oh just a side bit of information I need to inform you, my gentle reader (I have a following of about one – but it’s growing): I have been diagnosed with OCD n Bipolar Disorder and whatnot. And when I haven’t enuff sleep I get hyper, talk loudly, and blast quirky stuff.
My loyal fan (of one) you know who you are has been begging me for yonks to write another piece.
So here you are JasMine Pussy, eat yer heart out.
Oh fuck I forgot. This piece is supposed to be how to write a fail-safe, million clicking response? Well, tough shit.
Do listen to this while you write tho:
My fave German band. If you can’t watch the video, the band is called Tangerine Dream and the track is Ricochet 1/2. It’s on YouTube as always.
Wokay then, I’ll be on my way now. Enjoy. And, kiddo, don’t do drugs yo.
Also, fuck alot before your dick, ummm never mind that one hor another OP.